i've been living in my mirage

and when it happens, all I can do is

when you see a glimmer of hope, when you thought things were going your way.
God decides to fuck you up :D
and everything that happened was very much foreseeable, yet i decided to dive in head first.
why did i do something as fucking stupid as that? to get my skull cracked open?
HAHA, i guess it's not my skull. something else, something that's probably not worth much.
what are best friends for? i guess it'll probably be this.
and how do you measure your self worth? as a friend?

the worst part would probably be, not being able to talk to the one that loves you the most.
the one that saw it coming, and tried to prevent it from happening.
and what did she get? shit.
everything you said, i knew about it, everything you predicted, i saw it.
yet, i couldn't help it.
lovefool. how foolish, how stupid, how pathetic.

my gamble, my decision to risk it all. did it become my mistake?
and the funniest part was, you backed me up. the encouragement, the support, the falseness, the deceit, the betrayal, the cowardliness.

i pray for hatred. make me a hater. i don't want to be a lover.
please tell me i'm done being the hopeless romantic.
all for love? HAHAHA.
maybe i'm just sadistic? maybe i'm enjoying this?
bring me all the pain.
i'll take all the heartache.

cry.
let the words ravage.