Guess who?

Guess who said this : I am a little American boy and I live in a little mountain town called South Park. My best friends are Clyde Frog and Rumpletunskin and Polly Pissypants and they sometimes all come around to my house for a Tea Party and tell me how smart and cool I am and how it must be so much nicer to be me than to be a pov like Kenny or a hippie like Stan or a fecalphiliac like Kyle. My favourite TV shows are Terrance and Phillip and Fat Abbot and the Cheesy Poofs commercial and cop shows and that dude who hunts down wild animals and jams his thumb in their buttholes and I like war movies and films about the wild wild west (but not that Gay Cowboys Eating Pudding hippie crap).

I live with my mom and my cat called Kitty. I like to eat Cheesy Poofs and Snacky Smores and Sweety Pops and chocolate cake and pie and most other things and I am big-boned but I am not fat. In my spare time I like cartoons and fingerpainting and Chinpoko Mon. If my mom gets mad at me I just tell her "You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!" but she is not a mean old bitch like Kyle's mom. Sometimes I visit my Grandma and she always gives me a present even if I don't look after my cousin Elvin who is a total melvin. I'm still not really sure who My Father is but my Grandma was Dutch-Irish and my Grandpa was lesbian so that makes me a quarter lesbian. I go to South Park Elementary and my teacher is hella stupid.

His name is ERIC CARTMAN


CHARACTER INFORMATION

Eric Theodore Cartman, probably the most entertaining cartoon character ever made has a very detailed personality. Not only is he the master of disguises but also carefree and nonchalant at most times. He loves making fun of his friends especially Kyle, his Jewish friend. Least said Cartman appears to be racist and incensitive to other cultures and races. Carman is egocentric and thinks the world revolves around him; he quotes,"Screw you guys I'm going home!" whenever his are in trouble.


Voice: Trey Parker

* The fat kid
* Abducted by aliens who put an anal probe (some kind of symbiotic metamorphosis device) in him.
* Scott Baio gave him pink eye aboard the Alien ship
* Catch Phrase - "Screw you guys, I'm going home"
* Hates rainbows (those things that crawl up you leg and bite the inside of your ass)
* Won the environmental essay contest (by copying Walden by H.D. Thoreau)
* Beefed up to super fat ass for his Television debut (which never happened)
* Dressed up as Scuzzlebutt to scare the others and was almost killed
* Linebacker for the South Park Cows
* Dressed up as Hitler for Halloween, then as a Ku Klux Klan member
* Was abducted and sent to Ethiopia, discovered Sally Struthers secret stash of food
* Found the Triangle of Zinthar on an archeological dig
* Bought Ms. Ellen a chocolate pie for Valentines Day, but forgot it at home (actually he ate it himself)
* Wishes he knew how to spell
* Had tea parties for his stuffed animals because he was upset, he didn't know who his Father was
* When looking for his father, he thought he was a "Naive American" then a "Black African American"
* Can't leave anything unfinished
* Lives in the East Side of town
* Deputized by Officer Barbrady to help solve the chicken lover case, no one would listen to his authority.
Involved in a prostitution sting
* #325 on the Dodgeball team
* Dressed up as an old lady to hoax Uncle Jimbo as revenge for a lie
* Took swimming lessons (doggy style), eventually made it to the deep end
* Made no money off the movie "Me And Mr.Hankey"
* Sang the "cheesy poofs" theme song and won a regional championship, appeared in Cheesy Poof commercial
* Became a hero during the Planetarium ordeal
* Built Ewok Village 2000 with the help of Kenny
* Fell off of a bull and suffered head trauma, thought he was a Vietnamese prostitute named Ming Li
* Did his German dance to cheer Chef up and to raise money for his legal fees