Yu'LiNg Posted 13/2/2006

hehe Happy Valentines Day to you too hubby!
and also Happy 9th monthly-versary! (=
darling i can never do without you
and we promised to never leave each other
*hugs you tight*
our love will go on
til our hair are grey,
til our fats droop,
til our faces are full or wrinkles,
til our teeth and hair start dropping;
and til the day our hearts stop beating..

it will go on forever (=
*lovelove*



=================


sigh, i'll do anything just to get her back..
She's the love of my life..
Has been, and always will be..

i was told that there are many other things in life..
i was told that i'm young, with plenty of opportunity..
i was told to carry on with life..
but i don't really see a point in life..

Walking along Orchard Road, I see people walking forward, living their lives..
envious, yes i am..
I've lost my life, cause....... she's my life..

Man are such stupid creatures aren't they, we'll have to lose them to treasure them, God, i deserved to be fucked..

Today i bought her a pink rose, her favourite flower..
it's the first time i bought real flowers for her..
I know i should have done it earlier, I know that there are many things that I shouldn't have done or said..
i would give anything to undo all these..

any way, after i gave her, her reaction was..
"why did you give it to me"
sad aint it..
but after that, she did sms me to thank me..
i don't know if i'm expecting too much, or she's treating me coldly..
i guess, i'm expecting too much again, as usual..
high expectations always end up with disappointments..
she's not feeling well, and he's gonna bring her to to docs tomorrow..
he's gonna bring her to the docs, not me, but him..
when she told me that, my heart sank rock bottom..
i just couldn't believe it..
God, why the hell are you doing this to me?
I know that i've sinned, but this is too much..
First, you take away the one i love most, now, you deprieve me of an opportunity..
Sigh, why am i blaming God..

she's giving him his chance, and taking away mine..
am i not good enough for her?
i guess that's the case.. there's really no other logical answer..
i am always the last person to find out things about her..
i just wish that i have someone to share my stuffs with..

i've stopped gaming so that i can talk to her more, and hopefully, get her back, and never let go again.. actually, i've grown to hate gaming, i can't take it, when i touch games, i feel like i'm being as asshole, it's because of my gaming problem, all because of that.. how the fuck can you expect me to play games again?
but things aren't exactly going my way..

sometimes, i wish that God will just take away my life, end my misery..
of course, i won't end it myself, cause if i do, i'm not the one that will be getting shit, everyone around me will be, all those who love and loved me, also those who cared for me..
sigh.. when i looked down a building, i can see myself jumping down..
sounds like i'm going nuts already..
maybe i am?
Actually, i'm quite scared that i may fall into depression..
I don't eat regularly, heck, i don't really eat any more..
the amount of food i take each day decreases more and more, now, the amount i eat for the entire day can't even beat a single meal of what i used to eat..
today my stomach suddenly ached so bad, felt like it got stabbed or something..
i was like "ahhh" then i lied on Huacu's arm.. he probably thinks that i'm faking..
heh, not his fault right? i don't really approach him for comfort, so to speak..

i ate one dumbass burger with some fries and felt like puking, wtf, one small burger and a few fries and i was so full i felt like puking..

i feel like crying for no fucking reason, that's like one of the symptoms?

i doubt it's that serious yet..
at least i don't feel like slitting my wrist or something..

she promised that i won't be the last person to know things about her now..
that's a good sign aint it?
not last, maybe 2nd?

sometimes i really wish i can kill of that fella, but i won't go do something that foolish..
today i was frigging hungry, didn't eat anything for the whole day, finally lessons ended at 4pm, yay, let's go Mac and eat!
i walked down the stairs, i saw him walking up..
sigh, i'd rather not eat any more..

and Jason, that asshole was yelling at that fella..
what the fuck..
i told him to shut the fuck up, but he kept yelling and yelling..
maybe he's doing this for me, but i don't wanna be an asshole..
i don't wanna be in the same league as him..

Yee Hong and Levin kept reminding me that i'm doing too much..
"she should be the one doing this"
"would she care?"
heck, i don't give a fuck, it's not really a matter of who deserves this, who deserves that..
I decide who deserves what..
but, the thing is, I love her, i really do, with all of my heart, and i can't afford to lose her..
I have to give it my best to get her back..

If it’s so easy to let go, there wouldn’t be people with depression, nor will there be emo or sucidal people..

i really hope that i can be the one that's sending her to the docs, but i'm not so shameless as to do that..
afterall, she did tell him that she'll let her bring her to the docs..
sigh, i really can't fucking believe this, she says she loves me, yet she doesn't accept me..
I feel so invisible, so insignificant..

And i'm typing all these shit here, i'm such a mother fucking retard..
seriously, what have i accomplished?
I'm probably making her sad again..
this is seriously fucked up..
i don't really have another place to turn to..
really, i don't wanna bother HJ again, he's done alot, and i'm very greatful, he is indeed my blood brother, afterall, we grew up together, we were friends when we were both infants..

Everytime she's hurt, my heart aches, everytime she's crying, my heart bleds for her..
i just hope that we'll be together again, i don't really care about the past, nor her mistakes..
all i want is her, she's everything i've ever wanted.. and she's everything that i'll ever want..